CJ

Girl you know its time
Collect your favorite novels
Walk into the sun's heat
Let the ocean wash away your endless troubles

The sand on our feet feels warm and alive
To feel it is our birth right
You need to let go
And show the thousand different versions of yourself
I wouldn't miss one ounce of your glow

Let the rhythmic waves talk you into dancing
Spinning around in perfect bronze skinned ragged form
Your smile heats my blood
I can see now and I knew I was right
You are so very full of life

You an Aussie fallen for a Yank like me
And I feel the same and that's plain to see
As sure as I breathe tonight
I will never let you go
I will hold you tight

We collect drift wood and pile it high
With your friends with funny accents
We set the old wood alight
Let's get off our heads
And surrender our laughter to this Australian night

Girl I am here
There's no need to whisper no one is standing near
Fallen for you I have, I say it out loud
I brush your blond hair aside
Gently kissing your foreign mouth

I can't remember when
I know there's never been a more beautiful night
Ocean air, sun and sand
And my CJ holding my hand
Pulling me tight

You're Not Alone

You know this place
You know it good
We've been here before
Your life feels like its on loop
And you're a room
Without a door

Please get off the floor
You know, out there
There is so much more
I know it hurts
And it grows
But you're not alone

Trouble has come
Its what we've come to know
It stays with us
And with every step
You feel old
I'm still your friend you know

If you answer me at last
And for once step out from your past
I could save you from this
The future is not cast

You're not alone

For Something

There's this heavy
Feeling that I carry
And I'm spinning
You play like a magician
I need an antidote
So I'll fit in

Floating
Loathing
Enough
I need to be released

Its the more, not the less
What you say
What you do
I need more than a shot
To get me through
Guess we're all born to buy into something
God give me more to feel

Its a big feat
To forget you
Because you sleep
In my memory
You said you loved me
So I fell in

Floating
Loathing
Enough
I need to be released

Its more than your life
Its what you say
Its what you do
Born into this life for something
And I need more to feel

A Moment With You

Had I owned a keener mind
I would have asked to keep your smile
Just to be mine
In the quiet of the night

Your voice would be the sound
To keep me coming round
It would pick me up
And make me dream out loud

With you its never long
Until my blues are gone
Hazel eyes are beckoning
They lead me on

What a perfect night
I'll be to your house
Soon I'll drop by
In moon light perfected you'll be
As we drive by streets we've never seen

Somewhere quiet
That's where we are going
No matter where we've been
Just as long as I'm here with you
There is no place I'd rather be

Such a perfect night
You're with me
We feel alive
This time its just you and I
With your dimples and hazel eyes

Getting to know each other
Standing next to a neon fire
Your fingers entwined
Between each one of mine
We don't recognize which are yours
And which are mine
We just know
That we're alone

Standing with shadows forming shelter
I've always loved your name Heather
Your brown hair on my shoulder
Promise to be mine forever
I'll never let you down

Its late now
We know we've got to go home
Leave behind
Such a quiet night
Lived and loved
Only by you and I

I'll be sure to call
Can you hear me for you fall
I'll be here all day
You know you'll always
Be my favorite joy

Your Fire Wakes

Its the most inopportune times
That's when I miss us
I miss 'us' being together
Remembering when I felt so happy
In your arms I could die

Now
I'm left to pick apart
All these bits of my destroyed heart
I'm left with this hollow inside

I let you in
Where only my thoughts live
Will I ever absorb your thoughts and time
Like you do mine

How can we fix this
You wanted me to feel it
Our words they don't make sense
But this is what you want
For me to live like this

Too much lost
Now we fear and feel distraught
Will it ever get easier
Not to feel your burn
You say its been difficult on you
Well its just about to obliterate me
But that you cannot see

Oh love
You there?
You know this ain't fair
What you do to me
So there...
My love

Will you ever admit to this
That our love is a mess
Your words make no sense
Talk dear
Lets reconnect
I cannot live like this

Love
Be safe where you wont get hurt
Just in case
Your fire wakes
For me
Again
My love

I Have Fallen for You

My god I've got a long walk back home
When I arrive I'll be weak
But I'll be weak in your arms
And in your arms I'll be back home

Let us lay in your bed
We laugh and smile at things
Others won't ever know
Where you're free to think and feel
Where you're free to let go

When we stand we stand as more than friends
When you stand lovingly next to me
You're a glow in my soul
You are everything to me

When the night becomes expired and I eventually leave
My feet will follow the road
And I'll leave you in peace
I know I won't get far
When memories of you
Flood through me

As I turn to ask
I notice the blush in your cheeks
My dear I have to know
Make this plain to see
I have fallen for you
Have you fallen for me

Now You Have Me Again

No this is not my hearts scar

I'm only bringing the news to a friend

No I don't feel the same

Yet my feet mosey along

While its mine I can't pretend

I walk along with the moon

Its the one thing I saw

Was your face

Your amazing crystalline eyes

Tonight be my muse

Trying not to drown it all

In the worlds darkened hues

From this crowd I heard

I heard you sing a pretty line

Please repeat it in my ear

I stand frozen at once

And when they offered me the stage

Its to you I turn

Full of faith and desire

I want to bathe in your stars burn

You did it once before

Standing wet in the rain

I know its you

Who can do it again

Snare them all

In simple words

Simple games

Where once you had me hooked

Where now you have me again

15 Years

Oh Lord she has broke this man

Its been 15 years

Will it never end

Oh God I have lost my mind

But she's done this a dozen times

A dozen times today

This twisted way led to your hotel

I found myself wishing I lived there

So I drove past your parents home

Feeling so alone

Wishing you'd be there

Oh God there is truly no one else

Did I love her more than I loved myself

No more can I try

Now the sun only beckons for me to go outside

On my way to your new home town

I realized that I wished that I lived there

Unaware of my own home

I just so wished that you'd be there

Oh Lord she has cracked my head

Its been 15 years

Will It never end

Oh God let me close my eyes

Because now she is with another guy

You Force Control

Have I got it just how you want
Force me to take whatever you got
I'll just keep my lies up
You force it all
You say you need it all

Trying to keep my head up tonight
Even when they all have you right
I'm sleeping on the floor tonight
You force control

You've come down to take me over
You've already practiced it all over and over
You start bringing strangers over
You've practiced your answers over and over

You start a fight
You tread light
You want to break me into something you love
You can never get enough

You can rearrange me now
I know you'll make it work somehow
Turn me into what you want
What you want
Anything you want

You start a fight
You tread so light
You say I need your love
You can never get enough

A Different Story

I know I may seem mean
I'm just starting to be seen
And it may seem strange
But I'm just what you need

I don't know where to begin
I never let anyone in
But I would count it a sin
If I didn't let this begin

I feel I'm growing old
And everyday I'm more for cold
I pray to God
I wish that you'd just come home
I'm tired of feeling alone
Please someone
Tell me how to let go

Dear love I know you're doing just fine
You seem to be loved so well
My love I love your sky blue eyes
You play happy
I can tell

Now I know you'll be alright
But I can't help but to feel sorry
Because love I know your book will end just fine
But I'm a different story
Yes
I am a different story

Yes I'm a mess
And yes I see people less
But I miss the feel of your summers dress
I know this all my be weird
I know you are not near
But please baby just come back here

Now I know you'll be alright
But I can't help but to feel sorry
Because I know your book will end just fine
But I'm a different story

Does He Know

Does he know who you are
Do you laugh
Does he know what he has
Does he know who you are

Does he know about your spark
Your view on life and death
Or what truly makes you mad
Does he know when you're sad

Does he know when not to say much
Or how to truly kiss
Does he know
Where your skin begins

Do you know who you are
Do you lack what used to be me
Do you know your lip shakes when you're mad
Do you notice when you're sad

I need to be touched
I burn for your kiss
Does his love make your head spin
Like my love made your head spin

Once I Found Her and Now She Is Gone

I can see in your eyes that you mean it
I can feel in your heart
It is true
I felt in this moment you thought it
"Baby Im lying to you"

Thru all of these years
You've been lonely
Knowing not what you should do
No, you are right
I've been looking as well
But babe im still looking for you

Im just as disapointed as you
I wish I did better to hide it
The only false words ever I'd spoken to you
Is that Im truely alone and i like it
Im solely alone and I like it

When you lay in bed
Do you feel lonely?
Yes Im young though I feel a million years old
Imagine your arms around me keeping me warm
Baby Im still feeling cold

Girl you must know you are lovely
You're kind
You're beautiful too
My fault I must say is that I love you
Babe I am in love with you

It may seem strange that I still fawn for you
If its true then you're truely the one
If so why do I keep on looking for 'her'
Because once I found her and now she is gone
Once I found her and now she is gone

You Dance In The Corner

I stand in the corner
I watch you dance in the other
You're light like a feather
I'll love you forever
Forever

Your come-apart
Forced an impact
But I helped the sadness become lost
Far too scared to call another
I'm here now so lets start

Somewhere once existed something
Worth a damn
We recreate all traces
To where we once had feelings
That used to be there

I stand in the corner
You dance in the other
You're light like a feather
I'll love you forever

Hours seem to gather
We laugh on through the night
Its so hard to say anything
But I don't want to change our fate

The cold weather will blow over
And what you're feeling
I feel too
Get used to me dear

I stand in the corner
You dance in the other
You're light like a feather
I'll love you forever

You re so cynical with most things
Which I hope I alleviate
It works better than remembered
When we talk straight

I stand in the corner
You dance in the other
You're light like a feather
I'll love you forever
Forever

Chose August

So it was

You chose August

I don't want to see

Won't you pull this night

Tightly around me

On the street

I see you and me

You see my love

You will always mean more to me

My grip is slipping

My heart is ripping

What happened to us

Now I know

All these photos prove

What I have feared the most

Im too scared to move

The train is coming

I await my doom

I'll die in silence

What could I do

Break down the gates

Pretend to feel

Something more than hate

Scream out loud

Until I faint

You chose August

I can find peace

I can find solace here

Knowing he can't make you feel

The way I do

And you're reminded

When you lay next to him

Each time you close your eyelids

Its me you see

Walking the winters

The spring and fall

We had the summers

He can't have you all

We were a dangerous idea

He knew it

It sank into him

His secret fear

So he bathed you in kindness

Smothered you until you were blinded

And chose August

Shadows See

I'm not sure how this should go
I feel lost, blind
Not knowing where to turn
You lying there watching the prayer candle burn
You're my angel
Our whispers break the silence
We will last
We will find it

Its always been just you and me
Forever carved in the mountain trees
With your charms you bind me
Making love that only shadows see

On your sheets
Our skin it meets
Your delicate sweat forms like diamonds
Reflecting our love that keeps on shinning
So save me love
Save this moment in time
My flesh is yours
Your flesh is mine

This time was set aside
Just for you and me
I feel strong when your next to me
You surround me like a protective cloud
I'm yours and you're mine now

My Girl

No way this is real
Watching your perfect form
In that summer dress
Twirl and twirl
You make me shake
These secret places of mine you seek
Say you're my darlin'

Here comes that feeling
How can she show off so freely
She will be my girl
Even if I rust away to nothing

Our summer will have a name
Even if you don't know I'm here
Watching you dance
With whats-his-name
He don't mean nothing

You will soon be my girl
He will soon mean nothing
Even that thing he gave you
Which forms, on your finger, a ring

Just give me a chance
Just please know my name
Give me just one glance
And I will spark your flame

I can wait forever
My patience can hold out
I'll wait forever
Oh this love you'll explode to know
My love can make you shout

I can hear you laugh
Even if its your smile
Shining through
This worn out photograph

I love to watch you twirl and twirl
Our summer will have a name
I cannot wait to hold your hand
And say you're my girl

Lonely Game

Standing on your own
All alone again
A face in the crowd
Can't remember your name
This is a party for one
That's how broken hearts go

She's the lover that posses your dreams
Can't resist
You cannot leave
That's all changed
She's chose to go

God knows what you were thinking of
Now you know
You've become
Another victim of love

Can't remember
Whose right or wrong
When the dust settles
And the magics gone
Gather your strength
And do the best you can

You've been knocked down
You pick yourself up again
Wander lost
You're lost again
Sometimes it don't work out
Like you had planned

I feel all alone
Lost without your touch
I just got to have it
Got to have your love

No 'goodbyes'
Lets take another look
You have me around your finger
Anchored to your hook
Lets not make the same mistake
Once again

Your love can be such a lonely game

The Deepest Sleep

They all have told me
That all of this would help
I find myself
Standing in knee-deep water
I went as far as I could
Just to find its end

I wake to distant sounds now
I fall asleep under this Hawaiian moon
No sound can
Nor no one can wipe it out
A feeling of loss
Alone among the sound

3000 miles away now
She lays alone in her bedroom
Turning her face now
In the night
To where lays my photo

Is it such a risk
Is it such a shadow
To give it a go
One last try...

Slowly I wake now
My skin against the sand
Sun shining from somewhere else now
If I say I don't understand
You out of all
Would understand

I've tasted the deepest oceans
Been on a Russian train that stopped
Felt the rain fall
Deep inside Brazil
But nowhere could ever be
Far enough to make your memory stop

I hear you when the wind blows
Even in the Rockies I call home
I want to scream out loud
But no one would hear me
The trees will wipe that out

I'm happy here
Just waiting
For these Christmas lights to fill my soul
You won't even try to remember
How I love you so

In Pure Loving

Now I see you come

I know he's aware of this

And the rain begins

When our bodies slowly touch

Skin on skin

I know that you'd offer it up

Not revealing what we once had

Only to me

And your selfish

Beautiful soul

Though you would want to be left

Standing alone

The music has stopped

But our lips still meet

Its been set aside

Everything

Mean ever said to me

You were found

A lonely orphan

I never mentioned

These scares I met

I ain't living in the dark no more

I'm standing here

Proud

Feeling love when we kiss

The night before

And the one after

Means everything to me

The cadence in your voice

The way you speak

Fills volumes in me

I have found

My purpose

The only thing

I'd defend so fierce

Than my souls being

I guess we've grown

Not knowing

When to say

Or how to know

Pure excellence was found

In pure loving

My heart rejoiced

Once I knew

That I felt the same

As you

Please forgive

How lost and alone I must seem

From the day I pass

To the day

We're blessed

Feels an eternity

Just kiss me

And lets feel

Unashamed

Left to our

Youthful revelry

I Here Feel Alone

If there is nothing here
Then why do both of us appear
Why then do we adhere
To the simplicity of loss
Why do we two stay
Within periphery

These places
Hold I sacred
Where we once
Unashamed
Danced
Left now to my longing eye
My longing glances

Your gaze, it changes
To shelly showers
Out comes these awful
Medieval powers
These saplings don't bend
They grow
They heal
Out of all
I stand
I feel

Outward Angels outlast
They see my emotions
You once bathed in my deepest oceans
The things I want the most
It all falls away
To your caustic cosmos

Oh fall
The things I once felt
The deals
I once dealt

Mystery flings
Your once common deal
I learn to sway
I learn to stay
Ive become unashamed
I've dealt with your cold ravage

One by one
You escort them home
The feelings once we let roam
Alone now in your coldest pulse
I here feel alone

Every Night

Don't look
Don't tell me what I see
Whisper me away from me
Don't open up your eager eyes
Just so you can watch me sleep

You know you were always with me
This drama in the dark
Tears apart my soul
I know we've ceased to start
Still I lay beneath our sacred tree

Let the night time come
Every night my dreams the same
In the night I've come
In this night I've sought out your gaze

Don't talk of love
With him on your arm
Don't talk of worlds we'll never know
There is noting you can ever do
To make this right
To fix whats broken between me and you

Every night I go
Searching for my lost friend
Every night I go
Watching my world slowly end

Don't whisper things you'll never mean
Look at me when you speak
Even in this open air
You've lost your fire
There's nothing there

Just paint your face
With your faded smile
Slipping away from me
It doesn't matter where you hide
I'll find you if I'm wanting to

So lay back down
And close your eyes
Dream of things that deny your lies

Every night I come
To dream you're with me
Every night I scream
Awakened by the reality
Of this darkened dream

Kept Inside

Don't you wish me to sleep
Never keep your eyes shut
Only when the time permits
I was only here but for the fire's lament

Hell
Go on you're not alone
You're neck will give
This short charade
Keep this message again
Cross you're heart and don't forget

Here
Again with nothing
Propped up by your loss of love
Faced the south for loss
Teach this heart how to cry
I was only trying to keep from loss

Joy
Has no place
Where your skin touches his
Meant for mine
Touch me with your dark eyes
I was only a place holder
Until time went by

So it started on this lake
Waves our bodies did make
There's a fire going out
There is nothing to this sound
I cannot stand this feeling too
You're the one whose stuck to you

So
I'll never open my ears
Only eyes
Wake up to you my life
Who goes in
And stays inside

My demons I'll keep inside

The Letter Never Sent

My dearest, I write you this letter partly to make you smile but mainly to make you aware of how much I love you. The only comfort I can find while these tedious hours wash over me are in the thoughts of you and how, with your smile, can make the sun jealous. I have recently found out that it is physically possible to ache in the absence of touch and die while still drawing breath. I run the memory of that night like an endless loop through my head just to find the tiniest hint that might shed some light on our current situation and the only evidence I have found is that fate is fickle especially in the dealings of love. Love. It is a small word that can, within the same instant, wrap one like a familiar blanket then, without warning, leave one cold and alone in the winter; though to hear you speak 'love' I would face 10,000 winters.

You, of all people know that once I get writing about your love, I find it hard to string together a single thought and I begin to write using only my simple thoughts and vivid emotion to guide my pen. Do you remember the conversation we had while watching the river slip past us about how when we touch we don't have to say a word, we just know with pure certainty how we feel for each other? Like sharing the same soul. That memory stands proudly and alone in my mind and though it is alone it keeps me company on nights like this when we are so many miles apart. I know that to many this letter would look and sound like a foreign language but to you, as seen through our lens of love, will be like the touch of my hand and you will just know how I feel for you.

I find it hard to put it more plainly than this, I miss you, I love you. I am and will always be here for you. And please know that there is nothing to forgive. I hope this letter finds you well and I hope the smile it brings you makes the sun ache with jealousy of your beauty.

1997

She Is French

She is French

She is a Brunette

She has an amazing smile

And we've never met

But still

On my side of the pond

I can't help but wonder

Nor control the way I feel

Will we ever meet?

Maybe... maybe not

But that will never change

What she means to me

So smile wide and smile bright

Smile for me

Save a minute or two of your University days

And think of me

Because I'll be thinking of you

The Night Is Ours

Just for tonight
Let me steal you away
Along these dusty roads
Free to say that which others aren't allowed to know

For your ears only
I'm letting it out
I'm letting it go
We only get once
So here it goes

All the times I told you
All the times I said lying in your arms
That everything that matters is being free
But I am only free when you're with me

I know it's much too late
And I know it's not my place
Now that it's set
Your wedding date
But here we are young lovers under the stars

So to hell with what they'll say
Damn it all
You were my beginning and now you're my fall
We can do whatever we want
The night is ours

Let nothing stand between you and me
Except the warm summer nights breeze
Forget the world
Let your worries fall away with silent ease

We can make a new beginning
One that we proudly write
Just stand with me
And let's stand against time

The Snow Can Touch You

Its frigid outside from where I stand watching you
Through the fire light I can clearly see you
He's holding your hand
The one I need in mine
To warm it through

The falling snow masks my sullen glances
Hoping for an inviting smile
And when it happens all my hope is crushed
When I find your smile was meant for him
Leaving my longing heart in a shattered pile

When you walk against the winter wind
With your dark hair blowing back
I'm jealous at the falling snow that's slowly collecting on your back
The snow can touch you
A touch that I sorely lack

You walk, alone through the blowing trees
Your name the wind it beckons
I follow your footsteps as far as I dare go
Just to glimpse your silken skins perfections
I know you're his and he's the only love you've known
But to me, you're my souls salvation

Im working on a ton of things right now and I will post them all very soon! So if anyone is still reading this poor attempt at expression, stick around!

I Make Her Safe

Did you see that look in her eyes

When she looked at him

Did you see the way she moves

When he touches her

God I hate how he touches her

How could I be so invisible

When I'm right here

Forced to watch their subtle smiles

Watch him pretend for a while

Did you see that look on her face

When she found him out

And found that girl at his place

She just ran away

I would never do that

I could never make you hurt that way

Let the bruise heal

I'll help you on your way

I am right here

Stay with me

I'll keep you safe

Did you see the look in her eyes

When she looks at me

Her deep fear

Has gone away

I make her safe

You know girl

You mean more to me

Than anything

Its just you and me

All I Wanted

For a long time

I was in the deepest love

And this love

Once had me possessed

With security and sense

That "us" no one could touch

Funny

Life didn't work out

My head is ringing with bells

All I wanted was a life

A bride to make my wife

In this shade

That once was you and me

I don't know how

You broke me down

Back to "just a boy"

You were always the one with all the luck

You came around

You're breaking me down

All I wanted was a life with you

My bride to make my wife

I'd always thought

You'd come along

Sometimes I wish

For a mistake

The longer that you'd wait

The more selfish you would get

I just want you

To call me 'a good dad'

And once again I'm shown

All these simple things

Are far too complicated

For my life

I'm just left now

With my freedom

And a selfish shell of life

Rarely Meet

The approaching storm
You can smell it in the summer air
In the mist of the darkening sky
Your lips touch my ear as you tell me
With you, I'll never be alone

The river feels cool to our naked feet
It clings on the rounded rocks
Like seasoned lovers meet
Speaking fluidity
A language we both speak

Your hair smells like the wind
Like a fire lit summer eve
Silent silver trees shield you and me
Souls like you and me rarely meet
In the night, we steal the moment to begin

No Saving You

I wished I had known
In the first minute we met
The fear in your heart
The feeling of debt I owed you

Because you've been abused
By the lover that refused you
And you wanted me to make up for that

Walking towards your room
Into your waiting arms
Those red flags and silent alarms
I should have known

We did all but sleep
And I didn't believe them
When they called you a hurricane
A thunderclap

Something kept me standing
I should have quit just then
Instead I took care of you
But there was no saving you

I should have believed
When they all told me
That there was no saving you

Welcomed Feet

Imagine if the world, within our sight
From horizon to horizon
Was the world in its entirety
Would you then deny your inner light

When I was with you those summers
That was how you made me feel
Open and relenting to everything
We smiled when we were called lovers

The cobbled streets welcomed our feet
Street music was thick in the air
The warmth of your hand entwined with mine
Your salt taste was a product of the summer heat

We were lost in the world we could see
Muddled voices and the welcomed evening cafes
Studying your every feature so as not to forget
Getting buzzed and laughing while we drink

You are the queen of this place
You fill me with everything I need
You are so spiritually perfect
And every time I close my eyes I see your face

'This is what love is', she said
Holding my body like a raft at sea
Once more she turns into my frame
The night is gone and we sleep safe in her bed

It Was Raining

I was sitting in a pub, listening to the drone of voices when it began to rain outside. The sky was darkening and it was like someone was slowly dimming out the sun; that's when people outside began to rush in to avoid the rain. Smiling I turned around to watch the people sheepishly and angrily run inside and brush the rain drops off their clothes. And that is when I saw her; she was using a magazine as a makeshift umbrella, she was wearing tight, light blue pants with calf high brown suede boots and a loose fitting and flowing white shirt, all of which looked amazing on her small frame but at the same time all of which was overshadowed by her amazing beauty. When I saw her smiling face and porcelain skin made red from blushing, it was all I could do to keep from dropping my drink. I constantly kept reminding myself to quit staring and to close my mouth; she was stunning. Her hair was the color of melted chocolate, shimmering and almost incandescent it lay against her perfect shoulders.

I wanted to talk to her, I wanted to quit guessing her name and actually ask her myself; all I could do is steal glances and wonder at her beauty. She had friendly eyes and never once gave a hint of possessing an ego beyond her control. I wondered if this is what it would feel like to see another human after being stranded alone without human contact for decades; I was transfixed. She was naturally beautiful and from where I was sitting I couldn't find a hint of makeup on her softly smiling face. She was extremely beautiful but in the simplest way. If she was in a crowd she could easily blend in but to me she stood out like the Moon among the stars.

Before I could hide my star-struck appearance and gather the courage to talk to her it had stopped raining; she gathered her soaking magazine, finished her drink and walked out. Should I have ran after her? Should I have acted sooner and risked looking like a failure if she wouldn't share a drink with me? I have never been the type of guy that uses lines to pick up women nor will I ever be but one line would have been handy then. I wasn't born with a silver tongue or charm but all I had to do is say "hello", it would have been that simple. But on the same hand, what if she turned out to be the opposite of the ethereal girl I had seen and imagined? Now I am left with the memory of her and a million unanswered and unanswerable questions. But I am also left with the memory of seeing true beauty, unspoiled perfection and a smile that sets me on fire.

From The Lawn

She lays down
She lays down next to me
Moon light graces her silky skin
Her smiling face I can clearly see

An old friend called
And told us where to meet
I saw her come through the swinging doors
I felt her coming down the street

She calls from outside
She's star gazing from the lawn
Her beauty I've never seen
Now I find her sitting next to me

Summer night
Bare foot, she leads me through my haze
Down the path next to the brook
Begging the moon to come out and play

Come away
I hear her sing to me
With the stars all watching us
She kisses me before I can speak

Her soul it shines
I feel mine lose control
Her hand in mine
She's my grace before my fall

We ride the night
And don't ask where it goes
We fly like lightning through the mist
And lay laughing trying to catch our breath

She lays down
She lays down next to me
Moon light graces her silky skin
Her sleeping face I can clearly see

Always This Silence

There's a thought so slight
It doesn't make a sound
Like a ripple wakes
The fragile ground
Its the fear of pain
The debt you owe
It's the subtle way
You spread your love around

Must we be so silent
So silent now
Always this silence
So silent now
I will never hide it
I don't even hide it now

Its this flow of remembered pain
That just moves along
I feel a pain so slight
Even when you're gone
I know we've just met tonight
But don't do me wrong
I will wait until you find the place
I am talking from

I promise you now
You will be loved
Even from my depths
You can never run from
I knew you once
I'll never do you wrong
Please say you'll be mine
And be my love

Here In The Starlight

Here in the starlight
Your kiss feels right
Oh don't try to hide it
Your heart beats wild and I feel it

You begged me to wait
But its too late
Here in this little French town
You've caught me now

Feeling you move
In time with my shoes
Leaning your head
Against my chest

I speak your name
A smile lights up your face
Gave me the eyes
You want me to make you feel right

How could I ever leave you
Under this enchanting European moon
Your perfect pink lips
Are sweet hot when we kiss

Lets damn the dawn
And sit embraced on your lawn
Not falling asleep
Our eyes, in a stare they keep

Chasing you in the night
You laugh in a child's delight
Hide and seek
Its you I want to keep

Smell of grass and sight of fireflies
I love to see your smile in the moon light
We walk along the streets
The old people smiles when our love they see

I will never go
This truth I want you to know
Say you'll be mine
In this magic summer night

They Told Me

I was lost in the way
Laying in the shade
Watching the beautiful shapes
That your body makes

In the mountains
I dreamed I would find you here
With soft whispers of the snow and leaves in your hair
I traced my finger along your trails
Your body was the map
And I was lost in it

Floating in and out of time
Nature made you and now you're mine
Watching slowly how your eyes entwine
Nature made you but now you're mine

I was moving
Across your frozen veneer
The stars were dark
But you were clear
Could you feel my footsteps
And would you shatter... would you

They told me to be careful out there
Where there is nothing but time
And the wind blows wild through your hair
They told me

Liquid Lead

Oh dear
How I once knew you
You had me fully convinced
We'd never be apart

Gone forever are those dream-like days
When we'd share each others pain
Holding you close in the light of day
And at night pressing your lips to my face

And now I want my soul to hide
When my eyes towards you are now denied
Though this door is open for you to peek inside
To fulfil your gossiping eyes

And now our love is dead
My soul is liquid lead
I walk away with lowered head
Never to be the flame in your heart

What If BBC

I could go and ask her first
You could try but it wont work
I don't want my cover blown
I shouldn't do this on my own

The night has gone
And Im walking home
But I still don't
I still don't know

If only
One of us
Had the guts tonight

Its so hard to find the silent type
Someone shy who wont spread the hype
Yours so cold when you're in this crowd
And I'm on my way now

The night has gone
And I'm walking home
But I still don't
I still don't know

If only
One of us
Had the guts tonight
What if
One of us
Had the guts tonight...

My Storm

I've been to the darkest place I know
Dear we should never fear what lies below
Memorial pain and solid bone

I see you creeping in the dark
Feeling lost cradling your spark
I am the coming rain
Like a cloak to break your day

Hold your head up high
As if nothing passes your opal eyes
If you knew what I have seen
You'd let him go
Just know

I've been to the darkest place you know
Sifting through the December cold
I found myself outside you're home
Remember its just pain and solid bone

In the dark I see your car
He is there blowing on your spark
Leave the fire unattained
My storm will fully break away

In the night I stand alone
Looking in, breathing cold
There you go talking soft
Hoping he'll hold your soul aloft

But I've been to the darkest place you know
Remember its just pain and broken bones
If you knew what I knew
You'd let him go

I Never Knew I Could Feel Like This

I hope this fire never dies
I never knew I could feel like this
Candle light and talking in your room
Falling in love by your side

You are so beautiful tonight
Though I tell you all the time
Just know I truly mean it
Promise forever you'll be in my life

The air from my lungs you steal
My heart flickers and jumps
I wait around just to see you
I cant wait to get you alone
And tell you how you make me feel

If anyone could feel this way
If ever there was love
I've brought you here to tell you
Even in the short moments without you
I don't feel the same

So here in your bedroom
Where the silhouette of our bodies dance upon the wall
Conversation broken by gazing into your eyes
I need to say something important
Someday I will make you my wife

The Fun of Finding Out

Of all the people
I thought it would be you
Now I'm a joke
I do hope I amuse
Open conversations and rolling eyes
Had I known more about you...
I'd have let go, because you have too

New circle of friends, no one you knew
I hate fighting with this
You enjoy my struggle don't you
But I've found comfort

I found out about you

How naive of me to think you had spared me a place in your heart
I found out about you
What with all those droves of men. There was never any room
You made me feel special
That's what you do
A mind game most of us have bought into
And that's the bit that's the hardest to chew

I found out about you

Orion

I know this hell is of our own making
Hating that the road we paved led us here
And there is no use in talking
You said you 'must move on'
The weight upon my heart is measured in tons

A best friend whose words will never reach my ear
We both with someone
In a cage we've made of
Gilded fear

I see your point
I was so unfair
You gave all
And my cowardice left nothing
But empty black fear

These white pills can't take away my pain
Knowing he is there proudly speaking your name
The garish sun graces your face
Dogs may nuzzle your hand
While I am left alone
An empty cowardly man

A 'fixer' I was born to be
The passiveness that runs through me
Is something I wish to cut out
So we could see what our love would bring about

You are the one
But i can't spit it out now
When the date's been set
Knowing how familiar your lips, once kissed, are set

I wish for an accident
For one child that our fate would cement
But fate is fickle
And I'm left with this pain in my chest

Nothing helps but your words towards me
Spoken lovingly but sternly
How quickly we must forget
And face the end of all
Our love forcefully forfeit

I was unfair
You standing in the dark unaware
The choice was mine
And I couldn't face the eleventh hour time

O pills take me away
From this horrid boiling fray
That I, of my own hand
Did create

I know these words
Your eyes do read
And that to me
My ravaged soul feeds

Will forgiveness come?
Will I forever hear 'we are done'?
My soul can bear it not
I'll lock myself away
And bury my ghostly soul in a pine box

I know you truly laugh and love with me
And in that lies the true tragedy
For I am yours and you are mine
That is what has been proven by the march of time

Come away darling pretty
Make this not your last stand
I dream to feel again
The warmth of your delicate hand

Every time you hear Bryan
Forever I feel Orion
Orion!

She'll Say Yes

Don't cry, I know
You're trying your hardest
And the hardest part is letting go
Of the nights we shared
Home is calling and you know its haunting
But compared to your eyes nothing shines as bright

Lets not pretend you're alone tonight
I know he's there and
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
While across the room he stares
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes

These words were never easier for me to say
And for her to second guess
But I guess
I can live without you but
Without you I'll be miserable at best

You're all that I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home tonight
You're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breathes to stay

I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet

And this is the first time in a week
That I'll talk to you
And I can't speak
Been three whole days sine I've slept
Cause I dream of his lips on your cheek
And I got the point that I should leave you alone
But we both know that I'm not that strong
I miss the lips that made me fly

Lets not pretend you're alone tonight
I know he's there and
You're probably hanging out and making eyes
While across the room he stares
I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor
And ask my girl to dance
And she'll say yes

I know I'm good for something
I just haven't found it yet

I'm Not Visiting

Hear me scream
Your mouth is racing
And I can barely hear a thing
Is this our last stand
I'm staring at my hand wondering
Why its yours that is not underneath

Where do we stand?
I was once your man

You're my red badge on my chest
A ragged scar
Like mixed up thin letters
Adorned where my heart did rest

You'll tell your new boyfriend
"He was a visitor here, he was not permanent"
And the only thing keeping my cheeks dry
Is to remember what we had
He will never treat you like that
Maybe we both were dreaming
But I'm not visiting

I waste most of my days just wondering
If I'll be worth remembering
So I'll go home alone tonight
Even when I know he spends the night
I pray for one thing
I hope to hell I was worth remembering

Nothing Less

I saw you coming down the hall
You stopped my sun and I dropped the ball
I still see the way you slept
Head over heart and head against my chest
I remember every word you ever said
The days we would just stay in bed
And watch the sunlight cross the wall

I remember when your world was mine
And being in your arms all the time
The beautiful color of your eyes
When you fell in love before you could get away
When you'd smile your cheeks would turn the deepest pink
And adoring your small ballerina feet
And watching you dance across the bedroom floor

You left your soul wide open
And let love into your head
Your heart, I know I no longer live there
Given up our chance to let love in

I love to hear you speak
You're the one I dream to wake to see
Initials carved deep into the trees
Examples of when we were just beginning

Now I dream to kiss you more
And hope his arms can keep you warm
Your solemn silence tells me we'll talk no more
When its your love I want to possess

I know your reasons
I watched you spell it out
I'll keep these mental pictures
I keep repeating "why did we let our flame go out"

I see that fire now burning in your chest
Its heat fills the air
I'm ready and standing
I want your hearts love and nothing less

Watching Stars Without You

I hate watching the stars without you
Knowing you're miles away
My heart begging you to stay
Feeling that its over too soon

A thousand trials stand to tear me apart
Oh God the aching
This cold distance we're creating
And our hearts kept from a second start

My heart, I swear, never loved till now
At once my eyes caught your sight
Plated in your beautiful light
Did not know true beauty until this night

I beg you for this, just one kiss
I want to be kissing you
Let others stand stunned at the love between me and you
Why must we put and end to this

Let God know I love you, and Orion too
My respect for silence will go only so far
The distance makes me callous hard
I will never be happy until I have you

I love you

I'm Still Your Man

I heard about your life and men where we slept
Felt the mountains hear our love; snow on your skin
I kept a lock of hair this time because i cannot quit
Never felt the ground so cold without getting sick

I'm still your man
And I'm still your man

There's no possibility I could live without this
These minutes love, to feel your love with this unbroken kiss
I swore you stole my soul tonight and yet I still live
But we clearly stand behind the line that we missed

And I'm still your man
I'm still your man

You're only coming out because you cant get back in
You're only coming out because your body begs my skin

I'm still your man
And I'm still your man

I've Done My Best Tonight

Can't take this tonight
And all I hear is you begin this fight
See me sway as you start
To make me feel this jealous pain

Profanities fill the air
Nothing grows in this, its bare
It all begun with a stare

If you want more of this life
Why didn't you say so
You drop this game
Pull as I push
We begin again
All of this is cutthroat
And so unfair

I don't care for sleep tonight
Talk to me me
And get it right
To you its a child's game
Leave me bleeding and ashamed
You don't care

I want more of your love
Of this I've said so
All I do is disappoint you again
God, and over again

Just know I deeply care
More than this man can share
Spaces between you and me seem so low
Do you care?
Then say so

Can we get it right
Even if we spend the night
Tired of this fight
Take the armor off
And begin to spread some light

You say his name
Like some sick way of drawing pain
I feel it in the air
Nothing will be the same
You know I wont go there

No games
Understand my pain
Lets not let it begin
For in this no one wins

You and me tonight
We look steel plated by the moons light
So beautiful
But all you want to do is fight
At least I can say I've done my best tonight

Star-crossed Lovers Is What You Said

In my arms I feel you slowly sway
Everyone had their chance to say
Jealous eyes begin to stare
Our honest love they wish it were theirs

Midnight stars watch us hand in hand
This summer I wish not to end
Here we talk under dawning skies
Falling asleep so we never say goodbye

Forget what you hear
Its teenage lust
Well they don't know us
They don't know us

At summers end the days make their rounds
I watch your plane make its roaring sound
I know I'll find you once again
Once the springtime has reached its end
I write you letters with trembling hands
The seasons turn with reluctant pace
Your memory haunts this place

Forget what you hear
Its teenage lust
Well they don't know us
They don't know us

Star-crossed lovers is what you said
All your words now fill my mourning head
After your letter and what you said
To inform me he fills my stead

Forget what you hear
Its teenage lust
Well you don't know us
You don't know us

Star-crossed lovers is what you said
All your words now fill my mourning head
After your letter and what you said
To inform me you prefer him instead

I'm Your Favorite Place

Tall order
This love you provide
I'm fallin' over
I'm fire inside

Cold water
Water and wine
Forever I will shine
Forever say you're mine

Wild river
Thundering along
Has nothing
On the power over me you hold

How many times
Oh Lord
I don't wanna
Fade no more

To the night
I'm another body
To the night
I'm another face
But to you
I'm your lover
But to you
I'm your favorite place

She Can Cut

Your nothing but a chore
Dirt to be swept off the floor
And I don't care anymore
That's what she said to me

God knows she can cut
Throw her fit and swing
I've had enough
Her blade hit me

You want to think you can hurt me anytime
You want to see my pain
You want to know
To see how deep your bullet lies

I have nothing left to say

Talking With Our Bodies

I cannot begin to explain what it was like
Acting like two rebel kids
Sharing a ravenous passion
Talking with our bodies in the moon light

I said I would rip you apart
It was fair warning
I love to hear you beg
The pounding on my lips is the beating of your heart

I am yours
And I don't ever have to leave
I am yours now
And I'll never let you go

Your skin is silk and satin on my face
Your love is all I need
Our fire sets a blistering pace
I love to hear how fast you breathe

I am yours
And I don't ever have to leave
I am yours now
And I'll never let you go

Of A Time I Have Truly Hated Another Soul

Given enough rope you'll hang yourself
Given enough time we'll see
In this game you live to play
You've sacrificed your Queen

Snake in the grass
Fervent repetition of words
"This too will pass"

Smug looks and a sideways glance
Hand-over-mouth conversations
You are beginning to show what we all see
A step too far you've taken

Of a time I have truly hated another soul
I cannot recall nor can I tell
And when you go
You can go to hell

Snake in the grass
Fervent repetition of words
"This too will pass"
Oh how I've hated

Alright

Leave me here in the cold
Its right where I know I belong
Its hard not to feel old
When I sing all these songs

Its the wrong time to be thinking of you
I'll live with this small crime
And I'm thinking of you
Is that alright dear?

I walk past his place for something to do
Its the last place I dreamed I'd see you
For a long time they said
"She's torturing you"
For a small time
I was the only one for you

Is that alright dear
I'd give my love away if you'd hold it
Is that alright dear
If I don't share it how are you supposed to know it
Is that alright with you?

Save Your Strength

So go on
And I will not be afraid
And I'll keep on humming
Along with your fault finding rage

Well maybe you should try
To give me a better reason why
And maybe next time
Your tears will be easier to hide

Save your strength
Because you're wasting mine
Hold your thoughts within
Because your nails ain't digging in

Please tell me why
You always begin to swim up stream
And when you finally turn around
You find you're still in love with me

You have always been
So damn protective
And I have never seen
Someones heart betray them

There is something I must confess
Seeing you tonight
And they way your body dons that dress
Its easy to see through your hollow threats

So save your strength
Because you're wasting time
Hold your thoughts within
Because your nails ain't digging in

Is This How You Pictured It?

So this is goodbye
So this is how you say it
These are the words
And its the voice you're using
Its the picture you've seen

So this is goodbye
This is how you say it
This is the time it takes you
It didn't take a lot now did it?
Didn't hurt you a lot now did it?

This is goodbye
So this is how you spell it
So this is where you place it in your mouth
What happens if I didn't hear you?
What happens if it wasn't serious?

Well I was around
Maybe it was you I came to see
Maybe it was you who invited me
I remember your eyes were on me
I remember
Your eyes were on me

Goodbye

Seventeen and So Alive

I have a worn picture of you
Seventeen and so alive
Your black lace up shoes
Feeling the carpet in my room

More than a picture
It takes me back to you
Away from this future
Wrapping me in the warmth of you

Hemp necklace with the white stone
I wear the same but with blue
You were mine alone
We were my home

I know I will never get over us
I know that you will forever haunt me
I feel you everyday
I want you to come home to stay

"The way we fit together
Its like we're meant to be
And right here, right now
This is Paradise to me

Never thought I'd find someone to move me
Someone who could see right thru me
You found your way into my head
Where even angels fear to tread"

The pillow knew our heads
And my hand was always there
Like shadows at rest
Where you came into my life
Is where my life began

We Were Strangers

I was sitting sober
Trying to drink all I could take
I felt her hands on my shoulders
She was there to sweep me away

There was a full moon rising
We made shadows in the night
I held her so I could feel her breathing
Our youth was not wasted
While we bathed in the moon light

I am still in love with you
I want to feel your soul again
And I know you want me too
I'm in love with you

When we were strangers
I loved you from afar
Now that we are lovers
I'll love you with all my heart

Not Healthy

Can I go now?
Would it be possible for me to leave
Somewhere else
Where it's not necessary to breathe?

I have lost it all
Everything I swore to keep
In just a few short days
Another man will be here sweet

I know its not healthy
To hate one's self as much as I do
To beat yourself down
To take as much as I do

I thought I was your only
And that you were mine
But somewhere we forgot it
Somewhere we both became blind

Can I go now?
Where its not necessary to breathe

My Skin I'll Cut

I've got this feeling
Like theres something that I missed
Don't you speak
Something happened
That I never understood
Don't you leave

Every second
Counting off my finger tips
I hit the floor
Another lover
Who says hes not ashamed to cry
He's a fool
He fell for you

In slowmotion
This slap is so beautiful
Your door slamed shut
Your heart is beating
But its him you tell to stay
My skin I'll cut
I could say so much

But I'll shut up

Return

You've got to leave me now
And go out on your own
You got to chase what seems
To be a life all your own
Before it slips away

When you are flying high
And far from home
Take my heart along
And sing no more lonely songs
Please remember me

When the wind is in your hair
I'll be the solid ground
Whatever may find you there
Meet all with care
All that may be found

I'll keep my heart hid up
And watch for your return
My darkest dream will be
That your love will burn
And I won't be the fire

I swear to be your other half
That always holds up my side
Building a bridge between
Your sweet soul and mine
And my toils will not tire

When the wind is in your hair
I'll be the solid ground
Whatever may find you there
Meet all with care
All that may be found

Well

I cant stand myself
And more than this
I can't take these midnight drives
Into Wood Canyon

I am in love with your laughter
I am in love with how you speak
I am in love with your manner
I am in love with how you teach

See this could be our present
You showing up like this
How our bodies would speak love
How time would stop with our kiss

This self destructive path
Leads only to defeat
I need you now
You've never left my heart

You know it well

It Does't Have to Rhyme to Make Reason

I love you
And we both know
This Fall wedding is farce
We both know where I am is false

I am going to break my bonds
And find you again
Relieve my strains
And we'll begin again

I love you
I hate how I feel
Without you
And knowing you'll soon be his
It kills me more

What the hell was wrong with us
To know at such a young age was a gift
And we walked away
I hate myself even today

I love you
And you know who I mean
I am talking to you
I speak to you
If you'll continue to read

Continuing days lead to September
To where you'll say you love him
And this "white" wedding
We're expected to buy
When our love shows it to be a lie

Many days I wish for an accident
Some moment to be our loves cement
I care so much still
And I am tired of the double life

I love you still
As I know you love me

If I Only Could

Is it too much to ask, love
Is it too much to know
The mechanics of his fate
How it feels to surrender our love

I can see you in the dark
I can smell his cigarette
You don't seem to care
Our souls once had a spark

If I only could
I'd display my despair like art
And tear my soul out for you
I'd tear it all to pieces

My blood is red
There's more than enough
And if I could I'd spill it all for you
For lack of the words I should have said

I see you at night
The places you sit
The friends you meet
I am so put aside

So much hate for the ones we love
Tell me we both matter baby
If I only could

Wholly Understated

I forget when words were only words
She knows this place makes me nervous
In this stage we can't get hurt
Please don't try to understand me
We're too cool to be alone
But not too crazy to be trusted

I found out one life just ain't enough
I need another soul to feed on
I'm the flame I can't get burnt
I'm wholly understated

But I found silence in this space
An on and off again distraction
I need such amazing grace
Heaven swept me away

Love don't change, don't come around here
Don't wear my heart on your sleeve
Like a high school letter
Don't dream, 'cuz nothing will ever come from it
And the people we've become, well
They've never been the people who we are

I strapped on one horse and prayed for luck
I dug another hole to bleed
I know exactly how this works
I need a new sad ending story

I don't need you crowding up my space
I just want to get inside you
You can't believe the hurt you save
Giving something away

I dreamed that the world was crumbling down
We sat on your back porch and watched it
I dreamed that the buildings all fell down
We sat on your back porch and watched it
I dreamed that the world was crumbling down
We sat on your back porch and watched it
In my head I heard the sound
Like obscene strangers dancing

But oh how I want you to know me
Oh how I want you to know me
Oh how I wish I was somebody else
Oh how I wish you could love

Secretly

Over the western sky
Dark clouds went weeping by
And over the furthest ridge line
Ghostly blue plumes caught my searching eye
While you intently talked to me

This parting gift
Came alive with searching lips
While your finger tips
Entwined with mine

Our shuffling feet
Matched this pounding beat
Of your heart you shared with me
Secretly

And in your living room
I watched your body move
Your sweat danced like dew
I feel so alive

And in the morning light
I woke with such surprise
As I rubbed my eyes
To find it was all dream

Exactly How I Feel

Its dark; it feels just like midnight
And that's when you notice you've acted like a fool
You just want to lose yourself for a minute or two

She stands under the bar lights
And you hear a song about forgiveness
And you forget about yourself for a while
But she's right there in front of you
Carrying on, laughing and forcing a fragile smile

And you feel like everyone is watching
As she's dancing and turning
She's holding that man like a crutch
The room is suddenly spinning
With anger you walk out to your car
Because you know what he'll do
And you can still feel her in skin in your touch

Then she goes to leave with someone you don't know
Your blood begins to boil
You begin to lose all control
Your friends don't believe it
And you fell like you're going to explode

She was so brave, she was so devoted
And you struggle to keep your manners in mind
You ache for her body
Because you were hers at one time
You gather up your courage
You turn to remind her of that time

So you walk right into her foot steps
You whisper in her ear "you are too beautiful to be this alone"
Your arm is around her
And you lovingly tell her "darling, its time to come home"

You dance under the street lights
You know it'll take time for everything to heal
But that doesn't matter
You just have to see her to know exactly how I feel

This Love That We Carry

I met you when your heart sank
How can someone so beautiful look so sad
Mourning the ending of a lover
I just wanted to see that smile come back

You said "come with me, lets go"
Saying "lets cross the state line border"
You are a daughter of your mothers
You never dwell on the pain of others

Lets hear that secret that you know
That you don't know how to tell
You can't make anyone stronger
And the answer doesn't lay in your bed
But you know that you're free girl
And the blood in you runs red

Then the leaves started calling
You could hear them with all your heart
You were looking at me right then
Wishing on your favorite three stars

You said "this is your moment"
And leaned in for a kiss
Your soul shown so brightly
You pray for moments just like this

This love that we carry
I feel it when you speak
Your heart is a love song
How could he set you free

Normal

Are you sure this ice is worth breaking
For all the pain its capable of creating
My words are calm and low
There were things I wanted you to know
And in his shadow I grow tired of it all

A normal life was forfeit long ago
We feel it more the older we grow
And sometimes, sometimes I see you
Dancing in the snow

My doll, no, more than this
My partner through life's every fit
But how can it be
When we live life so separate

Can I be the trouble you're in?
May I be the reason you grin?
I know the symbolism is fake
But can I just pretend
To be the well dressed groom
Upon your cake?

Slowly Burn

I held September in such regard
Until I spent the afternoon walking today
And I saw all the people finely dressed
Putting flowers in her yard
In preparation for her wedding day

So I buried my face in my old jacket
And I turned and walked away
Hoping to go unnoticed as a cloud
Then singing behind me and I heard my name
And I told myself to smile through my pain

She said its good to see you on this lovely day
Won't you come and join us in the sun
I politely refused and pulled an excuse
As I saw him headed my way
Because his out stretched hand I so wanted to refuse

This is all too much for me I must admit
And I began to slowly turn away
That's when I felt the Angel softly touch my hardened cheek
She said oh dear friend why must you act this way
I struggled for the courage to speak

I am not sure what it is you think of me
But to love I am no amateur
So when you share your vows with him know this
That those words spoken by your own two lips
Are to me a lovers curse

So common with the leaves of this season
I too will slowly burn
So common with the leaves of this season
I too will slowly burn

I Want It All Back

I remember skipping stones
And how that was our retreat
Or when we needed to travel
We were proud of the dust on our feet
And with a Levi blanket
The stars watched as we'd sleep

All the answers were simple
Our minds were clear
And now, it seems
There is a world between me and you
My dear

We would count smiling faces
And count their paces
As they all staggered
From beer to beer

Our nights were forever
And morning was just a word
We were young and clever
Worry was something not heard

Now I remember you had your blue dress on
And pretending we were royalty for just this once
Singing songs on my guitar from the front lawn
Give me one reason this night cant go on and on


Now I want it all back

02/14/97

I can't remember anything before this night
All of us singing and dancing
Makeing you smile
Bathing in your light

It has never been so clear
Never shown this bright
Never felt as exciting
Never have you felt so dear

You know we are the envy of all
With thier sidways glances
And thier hushed tones
They watch as in love we fall

Maybe its our youth
Or could it be time
Whatever the cause
This night I'll make you mine

I know its February
And I know its silly
But if I don't work up the nerve
You could walk away easy

I don't know how to say this
So I just will
I love you
And with one golden word
Will you, this wish fulfill

I know its February
And I know its silly
But if I don't work up the nerve
You could walk away easy

Heart Beat

Whatever made me glow
Its gone now
But I pretend I'm feeling it still
You know its getting very hard
To go on now
But I pretend I want to

You know it wasn't really me?
You know I wasn't really there?
I would have thought more carefully
I would have turned it all away

You know I wouldn't really care
But someone looking just like me
Just turned around and you were there

Your finger prints are on my wall
Why must you go now?
"Cus I got nothing more to say"
Except I didn't want to fall
So be still now
As I'm walking slowly away

Your finger prints are all over my world
I see your jacket in the street
What if they hear my heart beat?
Because you've been seen with another man
And hes in everyone you see
And I can hear your heart beat

Seamless Soul Sound

This fairytale you've became
Your magic and life weave this maize
Through blurred eyes is all that I know
I am stolen, rigid as white oak

That blue dress makes your skin look porcelain
Its the one I love to see you in
Oh make tonight more than the sister of day
Lets make it a place where perfect we'll stay

I must confess I feel lost in your step
But every moment for me is a moment kept
And all the butterflies I cannot conceal
You are my youth; this magic I feel

Will you not belong to me?
I do not pretend to know what our future brings
All I know is here, and now
You are the music in a seamless soul sound

Empty Rooms

The slowest night
The slowest dance
You swayed across the room
As in a dream
An empty house
With empty rooms
I loved you so

And now you're going
Go, and leave if you must know
And go- I never wanted you to know
Go

Moon Face

The bells rang out
That cold morning of doubt
Then I understood what I craved
It has always been your beautiful moon face

You were someone unknown
Moved here from your home
And it was all I could do not to stare
And imagine my future with you somewhere

So here we are
Ten days apart
And there is nothing for it
But I won't quit until I get it

Your words were calm
Spoken at the break of dawn
With all our needs broken
Still I have your words spoken

Your image could be clearer
Our spirits wanting to avoid danger
And I thought ten days wouldn't hurt a lot
I guess not

Don't give it up
Its for us to bite the lip and shut up
To grab hold and wait
For this life that we anticipate

Thin As Smoke

What will she do when it all comes undone?
What secrets has she shared with the Arizona sun?
The one who has her in this spell
Never paid the cost once she fell

Now she lives like a hermit in her head
And every emotion she wishes it dead
She had a love unlike any other
But when night comes she stirs alone under the covers

Do you feel you'll ever get it
Do you ever feel like its not worth it
Do you ever feel anything anymore...

So now when she's at work she'll joke
And pretend that her life isn't as thin as smoke
And her radio is the only thing that understands her
If only it could make everything all better

All the strange faces she can't stand
If only one would grab her and make him her man
She is done dreaming of it
And wants the man with whom she can grow old with

Now all she sees are dark grey clouds
In the distance growing closer with every hour
She asks God "what went wrong?"
Not caring she turns her back and moves on

Do you feel you'll ever get it
Do you ever feel like its not worth it
Do you ever feel anything anymore...

All Over You

Your stories are all over you
And in the morning I'll call you
Can you not find the simple clue
With your eyes painted all so natural blue

And some day my pain will rock you
So harness your blame and rock thru
Solace was my gain when I sought you
So in the morning I'll call you

Oh what might have been lost
So don't bother me please
Please don't bother me

Fathom

I cannot fathom
The resistance given
Once these words are spoken
And I cannot picture
The emotion given
Emotion you've shared with him

If only you could see me
I feel completely incomplete
I become undone
And hide within the drugs

You're so blind
You can't save me this time
Oh this comes from deep inside
I feel so powerless tonight

I wish you could see
This stranger they call Robbie
Oh look what you've done to me
You have always had perfect timing

Does he call you "Love"
Does he know what you call home
I would give my hands
To feel your love, to be your man

Just keep my heart where the sun still glows
Keep my memory clean as snow
Hold your head high
As you enter the clubs at night
Maybe no one will ever know

What have you done to me
Look how you've killed everything you mean to me

Falling

I am not sure what she said
I loved how her silky words flowed
How her face filled the corners of my head
And I am sure my English she didn't know

We walked the hot market streets
Simply smiling and falling
In love with the simple gestures of meaning
It is love when our eyes meet

With a simple touch
I let her know
I was falling quick
And in that second I tasted her kiss

The day began to fade
Under that bruised setting sun
She walked to the bus
And she left me where it all had begun

Though I returned
To that dirty market street
I failed to see; I failed to meet
The girl I couldn't understand
I hope she knows just how much she meant to me

Off London Road

I became lost in your eyes from across the Pub
This Yank looking for a conversation to start up
With my courage used up I turned to go
Silently wandering the snow in Glasgow

The sound of your keys stopped me
Under the street light you looked so lovely
My foreign mind stumbled over the words
"Names are worthless; can I spend my time with yours?"

All I have left of that night
Are silent clips of your smile in my mind
I stole a kiss near Glasgow Green
Then decided to tell you I was leaving

Off London Road you gave me your name
And I said it aloud to myself again and again
"I shall always hate the Atlantic now"
All I could manage was"I know"

So I boarded my plane
With this picture of us and her name
I thought of us on your sofa
"I need you so much closer"

The clouds opened up
And now I am home
Thinking of what happened off London Road
And a whisper softly spoken by her
"I need you so much closer"

Jenny Lake

I called late
You were with him
"We can't talk about it now."
So one last word, then I'll go
Can we pretend it was something so much more?

I spent two weeks at Jenny Lake
With the summer sun pouring down my face
You were the girl that meant the world to me
She was beautiful
And she meant the world to me

So one last kiss before you go
Before his car door shuts behind the world I know
This was, to me, more than words
Your light brown hair against my lips
Its all over now and I'd better get used to it

A summer love
She was so beautiful
But I didn't mean a thing to her

Lightness

There's a tear in the fabric of your favorite dress
And i'm sneaking glances.
Looking for the patterns in static
They start to make sense the longer i'm at it.

Your heart is a river that flows from your chest
Through every organ
Your brain is the dam
And i am the fish who can't reach the cord.

Oh, instincts are misleading
You shouldn't think what you're feeling
They don't tell you what you know you should want.

GTNP

Do you remember the GTNP?
And feeling alone in this human sea?
I don't know about you
But I swear on my name
That I was drowning

We would brave those mountain passes
Avoiding seductive glances
Hiding how our bodies quaked

I love your light eyes
And all their flirtations
Then you said all you would say
When you said goodbye

Oh I swore it there
In the midst of frost and mountain air
You gave at last
"Were far too young; you take it too fast"

Do you remember the GTNP?
And feeling alone in this human sea?
I don't know about you
But I swear on my name
That I am drowning

Only Take Once

Damn, you are a drug
One that can't be taken once
One that can only be seen
One that hooked me

Now these cold wakes
Make me a player in your game
To take it slow
Is to all but let go
I've given into my fate

I seek in vain
Feeling my pulse begin to strain
Your glance eases the pain
I am yours

I wake to the thought of you
The image tares me in two
I'm on fire
Addicted, seeking your higher

Now these cold wakes
Make me a player in your game
To take it slow
Is to all but let go
I've given into my fate

The Smallest Kiss

If your memories were paper
I would have worn them out by now
Running through my mind
You twirling in that gown

If you smile were a passing cloud
It would would rain liquid sun
And I would love it
I would dance in the mud

Its a curious thing how we felt
How we both carry the stars
On our hands rests Orion's belt
And nothing makes sense without the two of us

I know how you feel
Crash down this furry red
Crash down your heart and head

The smallest kiss left this story
The smallest kiss
And now we stand without a story
We stand with no glory

I can see how this story fell
I can see it all now
Fate, we can hide
And time can stand aside

The smallest kiss is how we fell
The smallest kiss

It Would Be The First Time

Good times for a change
See, the luck Ive had
Can make a good man
Turn bad

So please
Let me
Let me get what I want
This time

Haven't had a dream in a long time
See, the life Ive had
Can make a good man bad
So for once in my life
Let me get what I want

Lord knows, it would be the first time

I'll Be Your Pride

I roll the window down
And then begin to breathe in
The darkest country road
And the strong scent of evergreen
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home

Then looking upwards
I strain my eyes and try
To tell the difference between shooting stars and satellites
From the passenger seat as you are driving me home

"do they collide?"
I ask and you smile
With my feet on the dash
The world doesn't matter

When you feel embarrassed then I'll be your pride
When you need directions then I'll be the guide
For all time

A Reason to Stay

Oh when i see you
I really see you upside down
But my brain, it knows better
It picks you up and turns you around
Turns you around

If you feel discouraged
If there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover
It's really bursting at the seems
Absorbing every beam
The spectrum's a thru z

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years
And all the girls in every girlie magazine
Can't make me feel any less alone
I'm reaching for the phone

To call to say its me and on your machine
I slur a plea for you to come home
But i know it's too late
I should have given you a reason to stay
Given you a reason to stay

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years

I Can Remember December

I remember it well
The first time that I saw
Your head around the door
'Cause mine stopped working

I remember it well
There was wet in your hair
I was standing in the stairs
And time stopped moving

I want you here tonight
I want you here
'Cause I can't believe what I found
I want you here tonight
I want you here
Nothing is taking me down

I remember it well
Taxied out of a storm
To watch you perform
And my ships were sailing

I remember it well
I was standing in your line
And your mouth

Nothing is taking me down
Except you my love

Come all ye lost
Dive into the moss
I hope that my sanity covers the cost
To remove the stain of my love

I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
I can remember December

And I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want

A While MG

Way up in that sky
I look up and I wonder
If that's you passing by
It's been a while since I was your man

Used to shout up from outside
Wake you when you were sleeping
Now I walk the streets, I don't recognize nobody
It's been a while since I was your man

As time passed us by
We never felt like we should
We never did what we ought to
And folks they used to smile
And now they just think that they should
They just think that they should

We used to roll around on the floor
Get some Chinese delivered
Listen to Adore
It's been a while since I was your man

Oh She Knows

Autumn glow
I see you with me
Feel the snow
I see you in me

Your dreams show
I would be free
Should have known
I would come see
And she knows

I should go
See you in June
This time will hold
And its all for you
And she knows

Body

Hold silent
You were my violent snow
In my life
Just for the moment
And then the young die
So you can die
I was alive
In my body
You'll never find me
You'll never pull me in
In my body
The lonely creatures scream

Junes of cast
Left tired in their bones sleep
Burned alive
Wasted sunsets
Haunted my tunnel light
Right through my clothes
I was alive
In my body
You'll never find me
You'll never pull me in
In my body
The lonely creatures scream

In my body, you

Yes, I am waiting

Please drive slow
I've never been this way before
Violence reels in the underground

Yes, I am waiting
In silence throne
To fill the meetings
To strike me down
No more a reason
Than god above
Let your curses run
Yes, I am waiting
For your love

Radio waves of a dying sun
Radio speaks my soul alone
Forget my names, erase the page
And dinners draw the passengers
Yes, I am waiting
In silence throne
My blood of treason
My tears of home
No more a feeling
Than being cold
Of playing on
Yes, I am waiting

As I walk your street
Yes, I am waiting
As I ride your dreams
Yes, I am waiting
Inside your doubts
Just let me out

MM Issac

I hope that you like it in your little motel
And I hope that the suite sleeps and suits you well
Well I can see it as time and as sight through smell and
Thats why its nice to be by yourself

Cause thats what I'm waiting for
That's what I'm waiting for, aren't I?
That's what I'm waiting for darlin'

We treat mishaps like sinking ships and
I know that i don't want to be out to drift
Well I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips and
They both tell me that we're better than this

We trade tit for tat like that for this
And i don't think that there was an insult that was missed
I can see it in your eyes like I taste your lips and
I'm very sorry

Cause thats what I'm waiting for
That's what I'm waiting for, aren't I?
That's what I'm waiting for darlin'

It rained and its over a shooting star
Landed directly on our broke down little car
We fold and we had made a wish
That we would be missed
If one another just did not exist

Cause thats what we're waiting for
That's what we're waiting on, aren't we?
That's what we're waiting for darlin'

I think its kind of funny that as time goes by we all look back and wonder what the hell happened or even how the hell did we get here. Also how time seems to go faster the older you get. And that scares the hell out of me. I soon will make a life-changing move; one that will place my life on a new road, a new line, different than the one I had planned many years ago. But who cares really right. I mean thats the point of living I think, to make your life your own, make those decisions that lead you towards unexpected outcomes. Safety is gay, and I mean gay as in stupid... not sayin gays are dumb... anyway, if you don't get what I am trying to say you should probably leave now. Anyway, I just wanted to say that. I will post more poems/ lyrics soon.

Too long

Its been too long since I have written anything. And that will all change soon. I just hope no one has given up on me.

One Knee

Summer time, late afternoon
Begging for the rain
Knowing the morning will come too soon
Both were holding on in vein

Grasping at the moments passing by
While ignoring time
Separating just to turn up the music
And dance the night to shame

He told her his heart was her home
So when the sun comes
She won't have to go

So on one knee he asked her to stay
And for all of her life she had waited to feel this way
There under the mountain sky
She said 'yes' and both cried

They damned time, and damned fate
That night they chose which path they'd take

I Can't Find Myself

I can't find myself
I can't find myself
In the head of this stranger in love

Holding on given up
To another under faded setting sun
And I wonder where I am...
Could she run away with him
So happy and so young
And I stare
As I sing the lost voice of a stranger in love
Out of time letting go

In another world that spins around for fun
And I wonder where I am...
Could he ever ask her why
So happy and so young...
And I stare... but...

I can't find myself