Am I alone in this

Am I alone in this
Will it be me that she will miss
We must try to figure it out
Did we lose it somehow

The night brings these feelings to me
Beaten by words of what we need to be
Its stuns me
How quickly I will become a shadow in your history

You came over unannounced
The silence broken by your voice in the dark
I need you here tonight
Fall around me now like stars shining on the lake
I need you here tonight
So I have some hope to kill this pain

You never knew how deeply I cared for you
And now I would rather turn than see
You board the plane
And fly away from me

Suddenly I have become part of your past
Who am I to beg this to last
Left to count my foot steps on the ground
Waiting to hear your voice telling me to turn around

You came over unannounced
The silence broken by your voice in the dark
I need you here tonight
Fall around me now like stars shining on the lake
I need you here tonight
So I have some hope to kill this pain

You

You, you’re me
I’m a lock
You’re the key
You’re the air I breathe
But tonight I’m choking

You are my life

You, you’re the sea
I’m the wave crashing
I’m the ground
The ground under your feet
I’m a liar, a thief, an apology

You are my life

Simple Things

So surprised
So taken back
How could I
Turn my back on you like that

I promised you one thing
That I'll always, always be there
Through all your faults
All your thoughts
All your dreams
And all my heart, all those simple things you are

I could never make the sun shine
Except for a few days in your eyes
And it is for that
That daily drives my mind

I never considered myself lucky
And now I feel it endlessly
And all I want is you
happiness, endlessly for you

I promised you one thing
That I'll always, always be there
Through all your faults
All your thoughts
All your dreams
And all my heart, all those simple things you are

Because When We Touch

If he moved you
The way I move you
I'd move time
I'd change everything

When he watches you
When he comes begging at your door
Like a fool playing his game
He has trouble keeping strait your name

You're a priestess
Come save my soul, this creation
All my needs found empty
You're taken
Don't break it all in this fashion

Because when we touch
Time slows down and you hold your breath
Because when we touch
You smile with true happiness

You seem a dream
A matter formed of angels
I am propelled by wheels of passion
When transfixed by your attention

If I could break down these walls that lovers make
So I could scream your name at Heaven's gate
Even if Hell's fire is a step away
I'd still say I am still in love

He won't care for you this way
He'll mistreat you if you stay
He'll never love you
How I love you

Because when we touch
Time slows down and you hold your breath
Because when we touch
You smile with true happiness

For Adrienne

Spent five years building a trust
For it all to be pushed aside
Like standing in a once lavish room
Now alone, holding only dust

She would say
I can see us
Building our house in early spring
Watching grandkids
Play on the back yard swing
Feeding ducks when we are old and grey
Watching the summer sun slowly fade away

How to start over
Where does it all become normal again
Tired of sleeping with tears in her eyes
And whispers as she rolls over

I can see us
Building our house in early spring
Watching grandkids
Play on the back yard swing
Feeding ducks when we are old and grey
Watching the summer sun slowly fade away

To see her now
And oh how she fights
She is becoming who she once was
A free spirit twirling in a cotton gown

Make this life your own
Take what you need
Leave the rest
And learn from what you've been shown

Words

I am going to ride this train
Out of your life again
I wish that I could stay... forever

But more than this I wish
You could have seen my face
In the back seat
Staring out the window

I will be coming back
So leave yourself intact
When night falls outside
You'll find me running through your mind

The morning will come
While lying in your sacred place
You'll wake to see
Only my face

In hope and faith I pray
To reach you these words that slip my lips
I'll do anything for you
This story is for you

Loss For Words

For the first time in a long time I am at a loss for words. I feel like writing, but can't find the words to paint my mind. And its so frustrating having so much on my mind. And it all seems to be that nothing I feel pulls at me at all.

When It All Came Undone Tonight

How can I bear this
Its like burying a dear friend
How can I bear this
What a horrible end

Please know I never meant you harm
These words weren't meant to cause a fight
I feel like fingers missing an arm
When it all came undone tonight

"I have to let you go" you said
What does that mean
Oh let me wake in bed
Let it all be a dream

Another year gone past
I feel my soul ripped out
It all happened so fast
I fear for tears I am tapped out

You were never mine to keep
And I feel imprisoned
Did we let our feelings dig too deep
Where was the clue I was missing

You mean the world to me
And we let it end like this
You are like autumn air I breath
Like a flower I can't resist

We will always have Jackson
And our snow flake covered walks
I can't believe I let this happen
And my mouth is too dry to talk

I am letting you know I ache inside
This is something I have rarely felt
It all came undone tonight
And I can feel my soul sadly melt

Another Man Along Her Way

Does she not know her self worth
I have lived next to her for years
I hear them fight almost every night
And I wonder how she makes up her mind to stay

I would show her the world from the top of my mountain
I can show her love, love she needs more now than anything
I would fill her life with the night sky
Stars would fill her eyes

Her sadness
I would drive to madness
I beg for just one chance
One chance, and on stars we'd dance

Angel, love is all around me
Hold onto me
Oh come closer to me
And don't let go

If the ties that bind break in two
Would I suite to stand next to you
And what if time was ours
Could I keep your love in an alabaster jar

The way your eyes deserve the fire they bring me
Makes my heart ache and break in two
I throw it all away
So I guess I'll pretend it doest end this way
I'll meet you at your door everyday
And pretend everything is the same

I want to de-throne his power over you
Like a love drunk fool
I would fight for your freedom
The only word that saves

I don't know a thing
Other than the warmth seeing you brings
So with my dirty rage I wait
With longing in my gaze
That you can see through this window pane

I really have nothing like you left to lose
Should I tell you he isn't listening anyway
But its totally up to you to choose
And nothing is changing anyway

What's the point in all this pining
She walks past me everyday
Without a final glance
Without a thought of chance
I am another man along her way

I Wish I Could Feel You Tonight

I wish I could feel you tonight
You are so far away I want to reach out
And touch your heart

You see I am not so bad
My intentions are pure
And I love you so

If I rearranged my life
Would you find a place to sit down
And become my delicate secret

These are crazy days
And all the stars seem to say
It will be alright

The dark
I hate it so
When the moon rises
And won’t leave me alone

When my childhood comes for me at night
Your face bathes me in light
I hope that never ends

I am not unhappy
I am comfortable
And a touch lonely

Like the woods in winter
My heart waits
For the spring you bring to me

And all it takes
A few words
A call by mistake

You are mine again
A few moments
We are one again

Happiness is all I wish for you
I hope you can feel that
I am with you whatever you go through

Rio Triste

One night, in the pueblo of Tamazula where I lived in Mexico, it was too hot to sleep. I found myself restless and in need of a cooling night walk through the jungle. My footsteps lead me to a small river that lazily made its way through the thick green jungle just over a mile from my small house. Two small logs were thatched together and made a make-shift bridge that connected the well beaten trails that lead to the river. The locals called the small river “Rio Triste” which means “Sad River”. I never understood why they called it the Sad River; it had always been a place I looked forward to passing during my daily tasks. This night I found it dark and peaceful. I sat for hours watching the full moon dance on the slowly passing water, and lost in my thoughts I heard someone approaching. I scrambled to my feet and hid behind a large tree, waiting to see who it was. As I sat, crouched I saw her; it was a young lady, maybe nineteen or twenty years old. The moon shone off her dark hair, and she just stood there, looking across the river, waiting. I sat there, transfixed by her beauty. My gaze was broken when I watched her face turn into a smile followed with a small exclamation of glee. I followed her eyes, to see what had brought her so much joy. I saw a young man crossing the small bridge to her. They met in a very strong embrace followed with a passionate kiss that lasted for some time. When their young lips finally separated they began to talk. Her name was Alma, a daughter of a rich watermelon farmer. And he was Noah, the son of a fisherman from the small town of San Blas. Their conversation moved to topics of love, poetry and promises. Noah became frantic in his promise to marry her, no matter what her father had to say. He promised a life outside of Mexico, a life in the United States. He had walked the entire evening just to see her. He told her his love for her was as strong as the mountain her father’s farm was on. From where I was crouching I could tell she believed him. She wiped her tears away and Noah lead Alma to a quiet place where they could physically express their love for one another. When I was sure they were gone, I got up and began the mile hike home; the whole time smiling, thinking of Noah and Alma. From that day to now, that river, and small bridge means so much to me, and has become a metaphor for my life.

Consistency

It is a cruel reality that as humans we watch loved ones grow old, crumble, and die. And at the same time I can walk out my door and see the same Robin, and hear its sweet song just as I did as a young boy. I can go to the river and catch the same fish I caught when I was six, and it would look, smell, and taste just the same today as it did those years ago. It is as though nature is in a state of perpetual youth. There are days I long for such consistency in my life.

Cold Blue Stream

I know your laughter through the trees
It makes me smile when it reaches me
You look so amazing when you sleep
And when I dream, it is you I see

She is a valley deep and green
She is a cold blue stream
She is everything that means anything to me

You fill our time with magic
And when you dance, you make the music
You have always been so free
And showing how to be free is the gift you have given me

With every white light
Before the sun reaches to touch the sky
I turn your memory over in my mind
And I am on fire knowing you are mine

You are a valley deep and green
You are a cold blue stream
You are everything that means anything to me

The Sweetest Dream

Mirror reflect this scream
I've angered long
To chance upon the sweetest dream
So stretch my skin
Restless gods
In cryptic words
Riddled songs
Break apart this for which I long

Make it turn
My heart of hearts
I need pain to change my life
Gentile mist
And turning leaves
We all come to bury truth

My naked soul
Just has to grieve
If I leave
I will move against my will
Stay with me a while
While I sleep

Am I so blind to believe
This is what I am
Can't they see
This cable coils
Around my neck
Now and then
I could use a friend
A friend of use

My roots are buried deep
As deep as they can climb
Now and then
I could use a friend
A friend of use

There is always one more scar
I am sure to blame for this
I need to get this too
Now and then

Her Gaze

All alone and cold as stone
With no man to call her own
Lost in a world of love
Seeking solace in the pillow she hugs

She screams through the distance between
She hates what she is too scared to see
And gazing down the deepening hole
She’s reaching out for her last bit of hope

In her mind is her secret life
Keeping all deep inside
To the north she casts her gaze
Wondering if they will meet up again

Luna Mejicana

I remember the sun was setting
The Mexican moon through the jungle
It clung to Maria as she walked past my window
I wanted to speak to her
But the language left me, and she walked away
Every night I stood at my window
Hoping she would return
Wanting the moon to bring her from the mountains
I would stay up all night, in the heat, waiting
Then, the moon shined bright
She walked my way
Passed with a hello
And returned to the jungle
She was my fantasy
And I can’t dream enough

Fire flies

We would lie among fire flies
Watching fireworks light up the July sky
Sitting on the park swings
Listening to the breeze sing through the willow trees
These moments we’ll miss
Laughter in the night, a secret kiss

Let’s dance the streets
Let ours be counted among the tapping feet
To you I’ll sing
Lets break these chains that youth brings
And run away

Keep up, keep up
This night is ours
Bathed in moon light
From up here
City lights look like stars
We leave no trace of time wasted
As seek out loves mystic places

The road leads home
We go to sleep
In my heart
This dream I’ll keep

Grateful

I was so grateful that night
Billy was there
He sang songs of perfection and nightmares
And I stood on my own two feet
When Peter showed me how to grieve and find Mercy Street

At night I find myself walking in the trees
Where starlight graces me through green leafs
For daylight is far too bright for thoughts this dark
Here we must hide; here this pain finds its mark

Maybe I am born a bit out of my time
And it’s breaking my life in two
Sometimes I cry my heart to sleep
With this innocence and you

Never Yield

They're all laughin
Because I am shadow walkin
This boy who wanton change
They're all laughin while they live so strange

Innocence, this bruised heart
Can they feel me all
Can they feel my soul
These consequences be they may
I so vow to never change
I so vow to never yield

They bend to shift my will
I relax with sharpened quill
I wonder if it will ever break

In the deep and under trees
So far gone they cannot see
Open up this gentle breeze
And I melt away

I am shadow walkin
Now my shadows laughin
These consequences be they may
I so vow to never change
I so vow to never yield

Things I miss

I remember your room, how it smelled, your bed, the porcelain masques on the walls
Sitting cross-legged on the floor, listening to little star, and talking about it all
You used to keep all your photos in your closet
All those pictures of Kansas, and people I hadn't met
Only one window gave evidence of the outside world
I always thought of you as my girl

You told me the best gift was to be free
I just never thought you meant me
That was more than a stupid crush, or silly thrill
I am in love with you, I love you still

I loved to sing to you because you liked it
I remember being at Karens' eating German chocolate
I am glad we went, and that we had the chance
I told you I would go, I promised you that
We ran through that corn field, cutting our own path
It was under the over-pass where I heard you really laugh

Pictures at the park
It was just before dark
Standing on the dock
In a kiss, our souls were locked
You told me the best gift was to be free
I just never thought you meant me

I have never hated you, I have only secretly loved you
Even during the summers in town when I would see you
I just wish we had one last hug, one last kiss
This was to let you know all the things I miss

I still love you