A Different Story

I know I may seem mean
I'm just starting to be seen
And it may seem strange
But I'm just what you need

I don't know where to begin
I never let anyone in
But I would count it a sin
If I didn't let this begin

I feel I'm growing old
And everyday I'm more for cold
I pray to God
I wish that you'd just come home
I'm tired of feeling alone
Please someone
Tell me how to let go

Dear love I know you're doing just fine
You seem to be loved so well
My love I love your sky blue eyes
You play happy
I can tell

Now I know you'll be alright
But I can't help but to feel sorry
Because love I know your book will end just fine
But I'm a different story
Yes
I am a different story

Yes I'm a mess
And yes I see people less
But I miss the feel of your summers dress
I know this all my be weird
I know you are not near
But please baby just come back here

Now I know you'll be alright
But I can't help but to feel sorry
Because I know your book will end just fine
But I'm a different story

Does He Know

Does he know who you are
Do you laugh
Does he know what he has
Does he know who you are

Does he know about your spark
Your view on life and death
Or what truly makes you mad
Does he know when you're sad

Does he know when not to say much
Or how to truly kiss
Does he know
Where your skin begins

Do you know who you are
Do you lack what used to be me
Do you know your lip shakes when you're mad
Do you notice when you're sad

I need to be touched
I burn for your kiss
Does his love make your head spin
Like my love made your head spin

Once I Found Her and Now She Is Gone

I can see in your eyes that you mean it
I can feel in your heart
It is true
I felt in this moment you thought it
"Baby Im lying to you"

Thru all of these years
You've been lonely
Knowing not what you should do
No, you are right
I've been looking as well
But babe im still looking for you

Im just as disapointed as you
I wish I did better to hide it
The only false words ever I'd spoken to you
Is that Im truely alone and i like it
Im solely alone and I like it

When you lay in bed
Do you feel lonely?
Yes Im young though I feel a million years old
Imagine your arms around me keeping me warm
Baby Im still feeling cold

Girl you must know you are lovely
You're kind
You're beautiful too
My fault I must say is that I love you
Babe I am in love with you

It may seem strange that I still fawn for you
If its true then you're truely the one
If so why do I keep on looking for 'her'
Because once I found her and now she is gone
Once I found her and now she is gone

You Dance In The Corner

I stand in the corner
I watch you dance in the other
You're light like a feather
I'll love you forever
Forever

Your come-apart
Forced an impact
But I helped the sadness become lost
Far too scared to call another
I'm here now so lets start

Somewhere once existed something
Worth a damn
We recreate all traces
To where we once had feelings
That used to be there

I stand in the corner
You dance in the other
You're light like a feather
I'll love you forever

Hours seem to gather
We laugh on through the night
Its so hard to say anything
But I don't want to change our fate

The cold weather will blow over
And what you're feeling
I feel too
Get used to me dear

I stand in the corner
You dance in the other
You're light like a feather
I'll love you forever

You re so cynical with most things
Which I hope I alleviate
It works better than remembered
When we talk straight

I stand in the corner
You dance in the other
You're light like a feather
I'll love you forever
Forever

Chose August

So it was

You chose August

I don't want to see

Won't you pull this night

Tightly around me

On the street

I see you and me

You see my love

You will always mean more to me

My grip is slipping

My heart is ripping

What happened to us

Now I know

All these photos prove

What I have feared the most

Im too scared to move

The train is coming

I await my doom

I'll die in silence

What could I do

Break down the gates

Pretend to feel

Something more than hate

Scream out loud

Until I faint

You chose August

I can find peace

I can find solace here

Knowing he can't make you feel

The way I do

And you're reminded

When you lay next to him

Each time you close your eyelids

Its me you see

Walking the winters

The spring and fall

We had the summers

He can't have you all

We were a dangerous idea

He knew it

It sank into him

His secret fear

So he bathed you in kindness

Smothered you until you were blinded

And chose August

Shadows See

I'm not sure how this should go
I feel lost, blind
Not knowing where to turn
You lying there watching the prayer candle burn
You're my angel
Our whispers break the silence
We will last
We will find it

Its always been just you and me
Forever carved in the mountain trees
With your charms you bind me
Making love that only shadows see

On your sheets
Our skin it meets
Your delicate sweat forms like diamonds
Reflecting our love that keeps on shinning
So save me love
Save this moment in time
My flesh is yours
Your flesh is mine

This time was set aside
Just for you and me
I feel strong when your next to me
You surround me like a protective cloud
I'm yours and you're mine now

My Girl

No way this is real
Watching your perfect form
In that summer dress
Twirl and twirl
You make me shake
These secret places of mine you seek
Say you're my darlin'

Here comes that feeling
How can she show off so freely
She will be my girl
Even if I rust away to nothing

Our summer will have a name
Even if you don't know I'm here
Watching you dance
With whats-his-name
He don't mean nothing

You will soon be my girl
He will soon mean nothing
Even that thing he gave you
Which forms, on your finger, a ring

Just give me a chance
Just please know my name
Give me just one glance
And I will spark your flame

I can wait forever
My patience can hold out
I'll wait forever
Oh this love you'll explode to know
My love can make you shout

I can hear you laugh
Even if its your smile
Shining through
This worn out photograph

I love to watch you twirl and twirl
Our summer will have a name
I cannot wait to hold your hand
And say you're my girl

Lonely Game

Standing on your own
All alone again
A face in the crowd
Can't remember your name
This is a party for one
That's how broken hearts go

She's the lover that posses your dreams
Can't resist
You cannot leave
That's all changed
She's chose to go

God knows what you were thinking of
Now you know
You've become
Another victim of love

Can't remember
Whose right or wrong
When the dust settles
And the magics gone
Gather your strength
And do the best you can

You've been knocked down
You pick yourself up again
Wander lost
You're lost again
Sometimes it don't work out
Like you had planned

I feel all alone
Lost without your touch
I just got to have it
Got to have your love

No 'goodbyes'
Lets take another look
You have me around your finger
Anchored to your hook
Lets not make the same mistake
Once again

Your love can be such a lonely game

The Deepest Sleep

They all have told me
That all of this would help
I find myself
Standing in knee-deep water
I went as far as I could
Just to find its end

I wake to distant sounds now
I fall asleep under this Hawaiian moon
No sound can
Nor no one can wipe it out
A feeling of loss
Alone among the sound

3000 miles away now
She lays alone in her bedroom
Turning her face now
In the night
To where lays my photo

Is it such a risk
Is it such a shadow
To give it a go
One last try...

Slowly I wake now
My skin against the sand
Sun shining from somewhere else now
If I say I don't understand
You out of all
Would understand

I've tasted the deepest oceans
Been on a Russian train that stopped
Felt the rain fall
Deep inside Brazil
But nowhere could ever be
Far enough to make your memory stop

I hear you when the wind blows
Even in the Rockies I call home
I want to scream out loud
But no one would hear me
The trees will wipe that out

I'm happy here
Just waiting
For these Christmas lights to fill my soul
You won't even try to remember
How I love you so

In Pure Loving

Now I see you come

I know he's aware of this

And the rain begins

When our bodies slowly touch

Skin on skin

I know that you'd offer it up

Not revealing what we once had

Only to me

And your selfish

Beautiful soul

Though you would want to be left

Standing alone

The music has stopped

But our lips still meet

Its been set aside

Everything

Mean ever said to me

You were found

A lonely orphan

I never mentioned

These scares I met

I ain't living in the dark no more

I'm standing here

Proud

Feeling love when we kiss

The night before

And the one after

Means everything to me

The cadence in your voice

The way you speak

Fills volumes in me

I have found

My purpose

The only thing

I'd defend so fierce

Than my souls being

I guess we've grown

Not knowing

When to say

Or how to know

Pure excellence was found

In pure loving

My heart rejoiced

Once I knew

That I felt the same

As you

Please forgive

How lost and alone I must seem

From the day I pass

To the day

We're blessed

Feels an eternity

Just kiss me

And lets feel

Unashamed

Left to our

Youthful revelry

I Here Feel Alone

If there is nothing here
Then why do both of us appear
Why then do we adhere
To the simplicity of loss
Why do we two stay
Within periphery

These places
Hold I sacred
Where we once
Unashamed
Danced
Left now to my longing eye
My longing glances

Your gaze, it changes
To shelly showers
Out comes these awful
Medieval powers
These saplings don't bend
They grow
They heal
Out of all
I stand
I feel

Outward Angels outlast
They see my emotions
You once bathed in my deepest oceans
The things I want the most
It all falls away
To your caustic cosmos

Oh fall
The things I once felt
The deals
I once dealt

Mystery flings
Your once common deal
I learn to sway
I learn to stay
Ive become unashamed
I've dealt with your cold ravage

One by one
You escort them home
The feelings once we let roam
Alone now in your coldest pulse
I here feel alone

Every Night

Don't look
Don't tell me what I see
Whisper me away from me
Don't open up your eager eyes
Just so you can watch me sleep

You know you were always with me
This drama in the dark
Tears apart my soul
I know we've ceased to start
Still I lay beneath our sacred tree

Let the night time come
Every night my dreams the same
In the night I've come
In this night I've sought out your gaze

Don't talk of love
With him on your arm
Don't talk of worlds we'll never know
There is noting you can ever do
To make this right
To fix whats broken between me and you

Every night I go
Searching for my lost friend
Every night I go
Watching my world slowly end

Don't whisper things you'll never mean
Look at me when you speak
Even in this open air
You've lost your fire
There's nothing there

Just paint your face
With your faded smile
Slipping away from me
It doesn't matter where you hide
I'll find you if I'm wanting to

So lay back down
And close your eyes
Dream of things that deny your lies

Every night I come
To dream you're with me
Every night I scream
Awakened by the reality
Of this darkened dream

Kept Inside

Don't you wish me to sleep
Never keep your eyes shut
Only when the time permits
I was only here but for the fire's lament

Hell
Go on you're not alone
You're neck will give
This short charade
Keep this message again
Cross you're heart and don't forget

Here
Again with nothing
Propped up by your loss of love
Faced the south for loss
Teach this heart how to cry
I was only trying to keep from loss

Joy
Has no place
Where your skin touches his
Meant for mine
Touch me with your dark eyes
I was only a place holder
Until time went by

So it started on this lake
Waves our bodies did make
There's a fire going out
There is nothing to this sound
I cannot stand this feeling too
You're the one whose stuck to you

So
I'll never open my ears
Only eyes
Wake up to you my life
Who goes in
And stays inside

My demons I'll keep inside

The Letter Never Sent

My dearest, I write you this letter partly to make you smile but mainly to make you aware of how much I love you. The only comfort I can find while these tedious hours wash over me are in the thoughts of you and how, with your smile, can make the sun jealous. I have recently found out that it is physically possible to ache in the absence of touch and die while still drawing breath. I run the memory of that night like an endless loop through my head just to find the tiniest hint that might shed some light on our current situation and the only evidence I have found is that fate is fickle especially in the dealings of love. Love. It is a small word that can, within the same instant, wrap one like a familiar blanket then, without warning, leave one cold and alone in the winter; though to hear you speak 'love' I would face 10,000 winters.

You, of all people know that once I get writing about your love, I find it hard to string together a single thought and I begin to write using only my simple thoughts and vivid emotion to guide my pen. Do you remember the conversation we had while watching the river slip past us about how when we touch we don't have to say a word, we just know with pure certainty how we feel for each other? Like sharing the same soul. That memory stands proudly and alone in my mind and though it is alone it keeps me company on nights like this when we are so many miles apart. I know that to many this letter would look and sound like a foreign language but to you, as seen through our lens of love, will be like the touch of my hand and you will just know how I feel for you.

I find it hard to put it more plainly than this, I miss you, I love you. I am and will always be here for you. And please know that there is nothing to forgive. I hope this letter finds you well and I hope the smile it brings you makes the sun ache with jealousy of your beauty.

1997

She Is French

She is French

She is a Brunette

She has an amazing smile

And we've never met

But still

On my side of the pond

I can't help but wonder

Nor control the way I feel

Will we ever meet?

Maybe... maybe not

But that will never change

What she means to me

So smile wide and smile bright

Smile for me

Save a minute or two of your University days

And think of me

Because I'll be thinking of you

The Night Is Ours

Just for tonight
Let me steal you away
Along these dusty roads
Free to say that which others aren't allowed to know

For your ears only
I'm letting it out
I'm letting it go
We only get once
So here it goes

All the times I told you
All the times I said lying in your arms
That everything that matters is being free
But I am only free when you're with me

I know it's much too late
And I know it's not my place
Now that it's set
Your wedding date
But here we are young lovers under the stars

So to hell with what they'll say
Damn it all
You were my beginning and now you're my fall
We can do whatever we want
The night is ours

Let nothing stand between you and me
Except the warm summer nights breeze
Forget the world
Let your worries fall away with silent ease

We can make a new beginning
One that we proudly write
Just stand with me
And let's stand against time

The Snow Can Touch You

Its frigid outside from where I stand watching you
Through the fire light I can clearly see you
He's holding your hand
The one I need in mine
To warm it through

The falling snow masks my sullen glances
Hoping for an inviting smile
And when it happens all my hope is crushed
When I find your smile was meant for him
Leaving my longing heart in a shattered pile

When you walk against the winter wind
With your dark hair blowing back
I'm jealous at the falling snow that's slowly collecting on your back
The snow can touch you
A touch that I sorely lack

You walk, alone through the blowing trees
Your name the wind it beckons
I follow your footsteps as far as I dare go
Just to glimpse your silken skins perfections
I know you're his and he's the only love you've known
But to me, you're my souls salvation

Im working on a ton of things right now and I will post them all very soon! So if anyone is still reading this poor attempt at expression, stick around!

I Make Her Safe

Did you see that look in her eyes

When she looked at him

Did you see the way she moves

When he touches her

God I hate how he touches her

How could I be so invisible

When I'm right here

Forced to watch their subtle smiles

Watch him pretend for a while

Did you see that look on her face

When she found him out

And found that girl at his place

She just ran away

I would never do that

I could never make you hurt that way

Let the bruise heal

I'll help you on your way

I am right here

Stay with me

I'll keep you safe

Did you see the look in her eyes

When she looks at me

Her deep fear

Has gone away

I make her safe

You know girl

You mean more to me

Than anything

Its just you and me

All I Wanted

For a long time

I was in the deepest love

And this love

Once had me possessed

With security and sense

That "us" no one could touch

Funny

Life didn't work out

My head is ringing with bells

All I wanted was a life

A bride to make my wife

In this shade

That once was you and me

I don't know how

You broke me down

Back to "just a boy"

You were always the one with all the luck

You came around

You're breaking me down

All I wanted was a life with you

My bride to make my wife

I'd always thought

You'd come along

Sometimes I wish

For a mistake

The longer that you'd wait

The more selfish you would get

I just want you

To call me 'a good dad'

And once again I'm shown

All these simple things

Are far too complicated

For my life

I'm just left now

With my freedom

And a selfish shell of life